#23 TEN ways life's hardships impact our physical and mental health (that you might miss)

The hidden toll of grief, trauma and burnout, and how to spot the signs

Ruhie Vaidya

Mar 14, 2025

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We think of adversity as something to overcome. But we rarely stop to notice the effects it has on our physical and mental health. We tend to view them as separate struggles — the emotional and the physical — when in reality, they’re deeply intertwined.

In today’s newsletter, I explore the most common yet often overlooked ways that life’s hardships show up in our bodies and minds. Whether it’s grief, trauma, burnout, or any major life change, I share how recognising these signs — ones we often miss — can empower us to better understand and cope with what we’re facing.

[It’s my first time posting a voiceover and I’m so excited to be able to connect with you in this more personal way! Please bear with me while I find my bearings (pun intended) using audio — and let me know if you enjoyed this way of reading?]

I’d love to hear from you! When you’re done reading, please feel free to click on the COMMENT button below and share with us:

Have you experienced any of these signs of grief, trauma, or burnout? Did you find any of them surprising or unexpected?
What others would you add to the list?

Hi, I’m Ruhie!

A writer, doctor, mum, and a daughter who lost her dad to a terminal illness.

Welcome to:

A huge shoutout this week to the amazingly-talented
Eva Lydon
from “Great Little Insights” who is the incredibly-talented designer behind the new designs you see here on my newsletter. From the logo to the email banner, the centrepiece I posted above and even the dividers you see in this post, she took the time and care to learn about me and my mission, and helped me bring my vision to life. Thank you Eva!!

Dear Dad,

Last week, I saw a patient who was struggling with insomnia. She had trouble falling asleep at night, and when she did manage to drift off, she’d wake up multiple times. By morning, she felt unrefreshed, and it was affecting her daily life. As we talked, she mentioned that she hadn’t experienced sleep problems like this since her mother passed away nine years ago. Curious, I asked if anything had changed recently, and she shared,

“Actually, my dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer three months ago. Do you think this could be related?”

And there it was — the connection; a reminder of how deeply our minds and bodies are linked, even if we don’t realise it at the time.

A few days later, another patient came in with headaches and anxiety. As I dug deeper, it became clear that she was burned out. Juggling a full-time job as a lawyer, raising two young kids, and caring for her mother with dementia had taken a serious toll on her own health and wellbeing.

While I always make sure to investigate any underlying medical causes for a patient’s presentation, these conversations got me thinking about the profound impact life’s hardships can have on our overall health. I remember when you died, my physical and emotional state was completely thrown for a long time! Yet, so often, we don’t recognise the signs because we’re overwhelmed, busy, or just not paying attention. We fail to notice the connection between what we’re going through and how it manifests in our minds and bodies.

Here are ten of the most common but often overlooked ways that life’s hardships — whether it’s grief, trauma, burnout, or major life events — can impact our physical and mental health. Recognising these signs early enables us to get the help we need and to navigate the challenges we’re going through.

colse-up photo of brown wooden doll — Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash

SIGNS IN OUR BODIES:

1️⃣ Exhaustion

When you’re going through a difficult time, it can leave you with an overwhelming sense of being physically drained. I remember this feeling so clearly after you died. It’s more than just tiredness; it’s a deep, constant state of fatigue that makes even simple day-to-day tasks feel impossible. People often find themselves completely wiped out and lacking energy, even after a full night’s sleep, which makes it even harder to cope with the challenges they’re facing.

2️⃣ Change in appetite

Some people experience a loss of appetite, where food can feel insignificant and almost irrelevant compared to the enormity of what they’re going through. That was me after you died. My mind and body were so consumed by grief that I had zero desire to eat and could barely stomach the thought of food for weeks.

For others, it can be the opposite and they in fact turn to overeating, as food becomes a way to cope — something they can control when everything else feels so out of control. It can be a source of comfort, filling an emotional void or distracting us from deeply painful feelings. I’ve been there on my grief journey too, and still find that sugary foods are my emotional crutch whenever I’m going through a hard time.

3️⃣ Unexpected aches & pains

Physical symptoms like this often accompany emotional pain but are easily missed — things like headaches, stomach aches, joint pains, or muscle tension. Sometimes, these can be new symptoms that appear out of nowhere, but they could also trigger flare-ups of existing health conditions.

4️⃣ Disrupted sleep

This is incredibly common in grief, trauma and burnout and can present in different ways. You may experience insomnia, while others tend to oversleep. Even when you do sleep, you may wake up feeling unrefreshed or struggle with excessive daytime sleepiness (hypersomnolence). Ultimately, these are all signs that our mind and body are struggling to find balance and adequate rest.

5️⃣ Digestive issues

This one isn’t talked about much but it’s far more common that we realise. There is a strong link between our gut health and bowel function, and emotional or psychological distress.

It’s not uncommon for grief and other hardships in life to affect bowel habits, whether it’s more frequent trips to the bathroom, loose stools (often termed “nervous diarrhoea”), constipation, or other digestive symptoms like nausea or an uneasy stomach.

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SIGNS IN OUR MINDS:

6️⃣ Brain fog

When you’re navigating difficult times, it’s surprisingly hard to concentrate, retain information, focus on conversations, or even complete simple tasks. It’s like your brain is stuck in slow motion, making everything feel overwhelming.

We’ve all heard of ‘pregnancy brain’ or ‘baby brain,’ where a whirlwind of hormones makes it hard to think clearly. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’m still there in many ways. But I wasn’t prepared for this feeling to occur so strongly in grief. The brain fog I experienced after losing you was unlike anything I expected. It felt like wading through thick mud, and it lingered far longer than anyone warns you about.

7️⃣ Anxiety

Constant worry or a sense of feeling perpetually ‘on edge’ is common when you’re facing trauma, grief or burnout. You might experience heightened concern over things you didn’t use to worry about, or fixate on worst-case scenarios. The intensity varies from person to person — for some, it may be a low-level annoyance, while for others, it can be overwhelming, deeply unsettling, and even debilitating.

I don’t consider myself a naturally anxious person, but I’ve certainly noticed since losing you, I’m much more hyper-vigilant about the health and safety of my loved ones. This change has been disconcerting at times, and has taken some getting used to.

8️⃣ Fluctuations in mood

Grief and other hardships in life often cause mood swings — encompassing sadness, frequent crying, irritability and anger, guilt, despair, hopelessness and loneliness, and so much more. You can cycle between any number of these feelings within days, hours or even minutes. It can flip like a switch.

In the early days and weeks of grief, I felt like I was riding an emotional rollercoaster that I couldn’t get off. These rapid shifts in emotional state can feel destabilising and confusing, but they’re in fact a natural and common response to significant psychological strain.

9️⃣ Feeling numb

On the flip side, many people experience a state of numbness at times of great hardship. You might feel disconnected from your thoughts and feelings, as if you’re watching everything from the outside. I certainly felt like this when you died. I expected to feel constant sadness and sorrow — and that was there of course. But there were also times when I was so overwhelmed and paralysed by grief that I just felt emotionally void. It was a strange feeling, but I recognise now it’s a protective mechanism that our mind and body adopts to cope with distress and overwhelming pain; a way to shield ourselves from feeling too much all at once.

🔟 Lack of motivation

Grief, trauma, and burnout can drain your enthusiasm for things you once enjoyed. You might struggle to get out of bed, get going or keep going with tasks that need to get done, or even engage with loved ones. Social withdrawal and avoiding activities are common signs. This lack of motivation often stems from the emotional weight of hardship, making everything feel overwhelming — even things you used to love.

After you died, the most jarring sign for me was not having the energy to care for my six-month-old son, even though I loved him more than anything. Thankfully, with the support of my husband and family, he got the care he needed and we were able to get through it; but this feeling of disengagement is often overlooked or stigmatised. There’s a misconception that if you lose interest or motivation during tough times, there’s something wrong with you, when really it’s a sign that your mind and body are struggling to cope with the magnitude of what you’re going through.

white arrow painted on brick wall — Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Spotting the signs and knowing when to seek help

This list, though long, is by no means exhaustive — and of course, it must be said that if something feels off or persists, it’s always wise to get checked out by a doctor to rule out any underlying physical issues.

However, it’s also vital not to overlook the signs that life’s hardships are taking a toll on you. When grief, trauma, burnout, or other challenges begin to affect your mind and body, it’s a signal to slow down and listen to what you’re experiencing. Recognising these signs early allows you to take action — whether by seeking help from a healthcare professional, therapist, or your support network. Taking the time to care for yourself and address these signs is a crucial step in preserving your wellbeing and moving toward healing.

Miss you every day, Dad. Love you always. Until next time 💌

Ruhie

I’d love to hear from you! Click on the COMMENT button below and share with us:

Have you experienced any of these signs of grief, trauma, or burnout? Did you find any of these signs surprising or unexpected?
What others would you add to the list?

Grieve Fully, Live Fully

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