#36 A Griever's Guide to Grief Support: PART 1

Understanding the many layers of grief support — from within and around us

Jun 12, 2025

Welcome to Grieve Fully, Live Fully! A space for honest, heartfelt reflections on grief, growth, and the messy, beautiful middle of being human.
Whether you’re navigating loss, facing life’s uncertainties and challenges, or simply seeking a little hope, you’re not alone.
I’m Ruhie — writer, doctor, mum & grief advocate. I don’t have it all figured out, and you don’t need to either. Let’s walk this path together with honesty, intention, and compassion. I’m truly grateful to have you here.

gray stones — Photo by Deniz Altindas on Unsplash

This series has been on my heart for a long time and I’m so excited to finally share it with you!

Grief is messy, deeply personal, and often feels incredibly lonely. When I lost my dad, I quickly realised how hard it is to find the kind of support that truly helps. Most people genuinely want to be there for someone who’s grieving, but often don’t know how.

What do you say without sounding cliché?
When do you reach out or give space?
How do you offer support that actually helps?

These questions (and many more) fundamentally shaped my understanding of meaningful support after loss — and I want to share what I’ve learned with you.

In this series, we’ll take a deep dive into the many facets of grief support:

How to offer it (well)
How to receive it (with grace)
And how to cultivate it within ourselves (an essential but often forgotten part of the conversation).

Each post will build on the last, creating a kind of guide to navigating grief support, from one griever’s perspective.

My hope is that these reflections offer helpful insights, practical ideas and food for thought — whether you’re grieving yourself or want to support someone you care about.

There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to grief or grief support. But compassionate care during this time — from the people around us and from within ourselves — can make a huge difference on the path to healing.

I can’t wait to share this journey with you and hear your stories along the way.

If this resonates with you, consider subscribing to get the rest of the series delivered straight to your inbox!

For now, here’s Part 1 ⬇️

PART 1 — Understanding the Many Layers of Grief Support

When we hear ‘grief support’, we often think it refers only to the sympathy and care we get from others — family, friends, professionals. But grief support is actually much more layered than that. It exists on many different levels, each offering a unique form of comfort, perspective, and practical help.

At its heart, grief support comes from two places — inside us and from the world around us:

Internal support is how we manage grief ourselves — our thoughts, feelings, habits, and coping tools.
External support is the care and help we receive from people in our lives — loved ones, community, and professionals.

Let’s break this down and then see how it all ties together.

🌿 The Support That Comes From Within

At the heart of grief support is what I call “internal support” — the mindset, behaviours, routines, and coping strategies we develop ourselves. It’s one of the most important parts because it shapes how we face our grief and handle our feelings.

Internal support is grounded in our own personal approach to coping, which can shift over time. It’s about how we allow ourselves to feel, the ways we work through tough emotions, and the little things we do each day to keep going.

For many, it starts with accepting our grief, giving ourselves permission to feel whatever comes up, and being kind to ourselves. It might mean journalling, going for a walk, or just letting yourself rest when you need it. Keeping some routine can also help bring a bit of stability when everything feels chaotic. We’ll explore this in a lot more detail in a future post.

Developing this kind of internal support doesn’t mean we have to do it all alone. But it helps us to not only manage our own grief, but to be more open to receiving support from others. When we have this foundation, it’s easier to recognise when we need help and to learn to ask for it in a way that feels right for us.

🫶 The Support That Comes From Others

Beyond the internal layer, grief support often comes from external sources. This can take various forms, and each has its role to play.

Family and close friends

The first line of external support often comes from our nearest and dearest — close family and friends. These are the people who love us most and want to help in any way they can. Their support may come in the form of emotional conversations, shared memories, or physical acts like bringing meals or helping with practical tasks. Again, we’ll delve into this further in a later post.

Even though these close relationships are typically the most comforting, they can also be tricky. Sometimes, the people closest to us may be grieving as well, and it can be difficult for them to provide the support we need.

Wider networks and community

In addition to family and friends, extended support can come from acquaintances, neighbours, and community groups. Simple gestures like a text checking in or dropping in for a visit can help us feel less alone.

Another layer here can be organised grief programs or online support groups, which helps us to connect with others navigating loss, who understand our pain on a unique and personal level.

Professional Support

While loved ones and communities may offer empathy and care, sometimes we need deeper support. Professional help from therapists, counsellors, or grief coaches can be invaluable. They provide a safe space to explore feelings that are overwhelming or complicated, and develop practical strategies for coping. A skilled professional can help us untangle emotions, navigate family dynamics, or face trauma that may be part of our grief story.

🪢 How It All Ties Together

The challenge is that no one layer of support is enough on its own.

Without building some internal strength, our healing can only go so far, and it’s hard to notice or accept help from others.

But without support from those around us, grief can feel unbearably isolating.

Finding the balance between the two — inner work and connection with others — is the key to navigating loss and moving forward with resilience and compassion.