#2 What compels us to travel?
The role travel has played in my life and grief journey
In today’s newsletter, I explore the reasons why people travel and reflect on my own journeys over the years.
I’d love to hear from you! When you’re done reading, feel free to comment below – what was your most recent trip, and what was one thing you loved about it?
First, a brief introduction:
Hi there, I’m Ruhie! A writer, doctor, mum of three, and someone who has cared for and lost a loved one to terminal illness (my dad, Sanjay, in 2019).
Welcome to From the Heart to Beyond! Thanks so much for being here. Every two weeks I share a new letter to my Dad reflecting on experiences that have touched my heart and the valuable lessons I have gained from them. I have learnt how important it is to live fully, love deeply, laugh often, and make the most of the time we are given, a message I am passionate about sharing with others. While these letters are deeply personal, they explore topics that are universal and timeless – love, hope, loss, healing, family, parenting, creativity, and so much more. I truly hope that something in my words and story connects with you, your life, and your story.
Dear Dad,
We just got back from Singapore – our first holiday as a family of 5! Was travelling with 3 young kids as chaotic, challenging, and exhausting as it sounds? Yep! But was it also the most fun, memorable, enjoyable time and totally worth it? Also yes!
While away, I reflected a lot on the role that travel plays in our lives. What is it that makes us want to leave the comfort of our homes and the familiarity of our routines to go somewhere new?
For many, travel is an escape. A welcome change from the minutiae of the day to day. This trip for us was definitely a chance to unwind after a full-on first half of 2024! I’ve been on maternity leave since Zaz was born 6 months ago, and it’s been the happiest but busiest time of my life. It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily grind. We all need to get away from it once in a while. This is what I always loved about family holidays to Dubbo growing up. On the 5 hour drive from Sydney, you’d literally see the landscape change from the skyscrapers, apartments and busy roads of the city to the wide open farms and expansive fields of rural NSW. I’d feel my breath deepen, my heart lift and my mind wander. The small country town vibe was a complete change of scene from the hustle and bustle of urban life. Not to mention the promise of carefree fun and frivolity with my cousins! To this day, these are some of my happiest times.
On the other end of the spectrum, travel for our family back in 2016 was a way to escape your diagnosis. That whirlwind 12-day bus tour across Europe while you could still walk was our last hurrah before the reality of this disease and what was going to happen to you caught up with us.
Travel can be a test too. I think before that trip, we were all in denial to some extent. Your condition had remained fairly stable since your diagnosis just under a year earlier. I think at that point we still hoped you’d be the exception to the rule — one of the rare cases of MND/ALS that progressed slowly and had a miraculously longer survival, like Stephen Hawking, rather than the average life expectancy of 2-3 years. But the Europe trip was when you had your first fall (this photo was taken just hours before). It was the first sign that the muscle weakness had spread beyond your right hand. Proof that your neurological condition was progressing. This trip tested you physically and all of us mentally in a way I never expected.
Yet, love is stronger than fear, and travel is a powerful way to bond with those we love. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience and we got to share it together before it was too late. From marvelling at the beauty of the Alps to gliding along Venetian canals. From standing in awe in the middle of the Colosseum to inadvertently being in the front row at a topless show at the Moulin Rouge (much to your shock and the amusement of your two daughters and son-in-law!). From gorging on pasta, chocolate and cheese all day every day (living the dream!), to hunting down the only South Asian restaurant in the back streets of Lucerne, Switzerland because by that point we were missing Indian food. Over the course of the tour, we shared experiences and memories that will last a lifetime.
Fast forward one year, 2017, and your condition had deteriorated significantly. Arms and legs paralysed, wheelchair-bound, dependent on others for daily care tasks. We realised this would be your last chance to travel, and since you couldn’t fly anymore, we went on a cruise. I know you couldn’t do much and you felt so guilty for holding us back from the full experience. But we didn’t see it like that at all. What mattered to us most was that we were there together as a family. I remember you laughing at Mum’s pathetic efforts to throw a basketball. Aviv, Sonal and I cringe-laughing at you both attempting karaoke. We celebrated your 59th birthday on that cruise too, remember? You thanked us for taking care of you (we never wanted your thanks!), and we told you we loved you unconditionally – sentiments that are often felt deeply in families, but rarely spoken. Being together in that environment allowed us the space and freedom to express openly our innermost feelings. These are the kinds of moments of closeness and joy that are fostered by travelling with those we love.
Every holiday I’ve been on with a group has been a truly memorable experience. We have learnt more about ourselves and each other, and in the process, grew closer together than ever before. Trips with my extended family over the years have cemented bonds with the people I grew up with, my village, the ones who are there for me (and each other) through thick and thin. Every trip to India with relatives, though infrequent, renews my love for the country, appreciation of the rich culture, and pride in my heritage. Travelling with friends makes me feel immensely grateful for the people we cross paths with along the way who become like family.
At other times, travel can have a more personal effect, in the form of therapy, healing and self-discovery. In her renowned memoir “Eat, Pray, Love” that was later adapted to film, Elizabeth Gilbert shares her inspiring true story of spiritual awakening, personal growth and the pursuit of inner happiness sparked by her year-long trip around the world. Cheryl Strayed in her memoir “Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail” recounts her remarkable journey of recovering from grief and reclaiming her sense of purpose in life through the process of undertaking a gruelling 1100-mile hike.
For me personally (but on a far less impressive scale than these incredible women!) I have discovered so much about myself through travelling:
I am snappy and irritable when sleep-deprived (just ask my husband and kids…)
I like to think I’m a morning person, and yet I’m always staying up late even when I don’t need to, like on holidays… so, I guess I’m an aspirational morning person in a reluctant night owl’s body?
I am better suited to shorter trips than extended ones. I enjoy travelling but I like my creature comforts and routine at home too, and after a while I get a bit sick of living out of a suitcase.
I am more capable than I give myself credit for — selling ourselves short is something so many of us are guilty of, right?
I have very little tolerance for whining and not listening when it comes to my kids, but comparatively way more patience for meltdowns and tantrums. Go figure!
I could actually learn a thing or two about how to live life from my kids. Just watch a child stare in amazement at a line of ants, or come up with the most random and creative game on the spot in a moment of boredom. Be more in the present. Appreciate the wonder and beauty in all manner of things, both big and small.
Whether it’s to escape, recharge, challenge, heal, or bond, there is no doubt that travel nourishes the soul. It’s something we all missed during the COVID pandemic (which happened after your time). The chance to experience something new, to be free of our everyday for a little while, and then come back re-energised. Ready to face our roles, responsibilities and to-do lists with renewed vigour (sometimes), or at least feeling a little less worn out than before we left! Ready to incorporate what we have learnt on our travels about ourselves and the world around us into our daily lives.
Miss you every day, Dad. Love you always. Until next time 💌
Ruhie
I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to comment below – what was your most recent trip, and what was one thing you loved about it?
Beautiful memories. Writing it in letter form makes it much more personal. I am learning a lot from you.
Wonderful piece. I'm an anxious traveler when going somewhere new, but I always feel fulfilled during and after traveling. I need to get better at looking forward to the experience :)