Beautiful letter ‘Lulu’! It really gives us a different way of looking at grief.
You’ve brought up such precious memories of your Dad.
Do you remember him making fun of the way I skipped on the deck on Balfour Rd? I would get annoyed when he copied the way I skipped. I remember him laughing mischievously with his deep dimples as he did the action.
It brings a smile to my face when I think of that today but sad that I took those moments for granted while he was with us.
Thank you for keeping his memory alive through these letters whilst giving us some valuable insights.
Thanks Mum!! Hahaha that's one of my favourite memories of him. You're right, we go through life taking so much for granted. That's why I'm so passionate about sharing our story. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, and for your unconditional support always ❤️
Your final few points are totally what is at the crux of grief. People can read about the points you’ve made on taking life for granted but really need to experience grief before they can truly understand.
Your final point on death isn’t grim at all and reminds me of a Greek stoic philosophy ‘memento mori’ remember death is exactly about this. To live like we are dying because we are and will one day. Not a lot of what we worry about will matter on our deathbeds. Keen to follow your journey through your writing x
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts Krupa! "Not a lot of what we worry about will matter on our deathbeds" - yes exactly this. It can come across a bit grim, but I like to think of it as inspiring. We get to choose what we want to prioritise, what we value, what we want our life to stand for. Grief certainly shifted my perspective, but this last point is still something I need to remind myself every day!
Oh Ruhie, another brilliant and moving letter with so many intimate memories of your Dad. I adore your memory of his fingernail and the point you made about how knowing this small detail is evidence of intimacy and proximity. Your whole letter reminded me of one of my favourite quotes: “what is grief if not love persevering?” from the show WandaVision. The Bluey quote really got me - you and your Dad shared something truly special. I’m sorry that you lost him 🤍
I loved this one - the insights on grief and the stories of Sanjay Fua. Even we think of him and grieve him at unexpected times (like listening to a song when driving) and cry a bit. But this was all so beautifully written! Thanks Ruhie xxx (Lulu the Uliyu!!! BEST name ever)
Thanks Amz! Music is definitely a big trigger for me. It can be surprisingly powerful and come out of nowhere. It's so nice to know that he is thought of and missed by others who knew and loved him too! ❤️
You had me at "Dear Dad," Ruhie! I don't think your new guiding light is morbid at all. In fact, in the the Islamic tradition, it is recommended to reflect on morality frequently, especially now since we live in a society that is so obsessed with this material world and amassing as much as we can. Even though I haven't lost my dad yet, recalling memories of your dad brought to mind so many of the things about my the dad that I used to hate that now make me laugh. My dad used to tell me that I had to change my attitude. He got all angry and I wanted to retort back, "No, YOU need to change your attitude." But he was right. And I was too. LOL. Thanks also for lifting up the reality that grief is not something that can be boxed in. You can still have moments of joy and moments of grief in your life. I'm learning to accept that too, even though it's not a natural inclination for me. I'm sure this must have been very emotionally tough for you to write, but thank you for sharing this! <3
Oh Rafia I so appreciate you sharing this anecdote! It reminds me of arguments I had with my Dad too. Absolutely, grief is far more multi-faceted than we expect. Thanks for your kind words and support 💛
Beautiful letter ‘Lulu’! It really gives us a different way of looking at grief.
You’ve brought up such precious memories of your Dad.
Do you remember him making fun of the way I skipped on the deck on Balfour Rd? I would get annoyed when he copied the way I skipped. I remember him laughing mischievously with his deep dimples as he did the action.
It brings a smile to my face when I think of that today but sad that I took those moments for granted while he was with us.
Thank you for keeping his memory alive through these letters whilst giving us some valuable insights.
Thanks Mum!! Hahaha that's one of my favourite memories of him. You're right, we go through life taking so much for granted. That's why I'm so passionate about sharing our story. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, and for your unconditional support always ❤️
Your final few points are totally what is at the crux of grief. People can read about the points you’ve made on taking life for granted but really need to experience grief before they can truly understand.
Your final point on death isn’t grim at all and reminds me of a Greek stoic philosophy ‘memento mori’ remember death is exactly about this. To live like we are dying because we are and will one day. Not a lot of what we worry about will matter on our deathbeds. Keen to follow your journey through your writing x
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts Krupa! "Not a lot of what we worry about will matter on our deathbeds" - yes exactly this. It can come across a bit grim, but I like to think of it as inspiring. We get to choose what we want to prioritise, what we value, what we want our life to stand for. Grief certainly shifted my perspective, but this last point is still something I need to remind myself every day!
Oh Ruhie, another brilliant and moving letter with so many intimate memories of your Dad. I adore your memory of his fingernail and the point you made about how knowing this small detail is evidence of intimacy and proximity. Your whole letter reminded me of one of my favourite quotes: “what is grief if not love persevering?” from the show WandaVision. The Bluey quote really got me - you and your Dad shared something truly special. I’m sorry that you lost him 🤍
Oh I love that quote 💛 It’s so true. Thanks for sharing Heidi, and thanks as always for your support! I’m really glad this resonated with you.
I loved this one - the insights on grief and the stories of Sanjay Fua. Even we think of him and grieve him at unexpected times (like listening to a song when driving) and cry a bit. But this was all so beautifully written! Thanks Ruhie xxx (Lulu the Uliyu!!! BEST name ever)
Thanks Amz! Music is definitely a big trigger for me. It can be surprisingly powerful and come out of nowhere. It's so nice to know that he is thought of and missed by others who knew and loved him too! ❤️
Ruhie, this is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Wendy! This means a lot ❤️
You had me at "Dear Dad," Ruhie! I don't think your new guiding light is morbid at all. In fact, in the the Islamic tradition, it is recommended to reflect on morality frequently, especially now since we live in a society that is so obsessed with this material world and amassing as much as we can. Even though I haven't lost my dad yet, recalling memories of your dad brought to mind so many of the things about my the dad that I used to hate that now make me laugh. My dad used to tell me that I had to change my attitude. He got all angry and I wanted to retort back, "No, YOU need to change your attitude." But he was right. And I was too. LOL. Thanks also for lifting up the reality that grief is not something that can be boxed in. You can still have moments of joy and moments of grief in your life. I'm learning to accept that too, even though it's not a natural inclination for me. I'm sure this must have been very emotionally tough for you to write, but thank you for sharing this! <3
Oh Rafia I so appreciate you sharing this anecdote! It reminds me of arguments I had with my Dad too. Absolutely, grief is far more multi-faceted than we expect. Thanks for your kind words and support 💛
I miss my mom being able to see my grandchildren. I know she would laugh at so many of their antics!