This was lovely, Ruhie. We never had a memorial or funeral for Ren. I wasn't even functional for a while after his death, but it's interesting to think about what I might have said. I'm certain your dad knows what was in your heart. None of us can really plan for something like this, I guess.
Thank you Tiffany 🙏🏼❤️ you’re so right, it’s not the memorial or funeral that let them know how much we love them - these formal proceedings are for those of us left behind in the wake of their death. All we can do is hope they knew from the countless moments of love, laughter and joy we shared with them when they were still here.
Thanks Mum! This means a lot to hear ❤️ is it weird I sometimes imagine what I would say instead? But I think it’s hard to find words that do justice to this kind of profound loss. We all say and do what feels right at the time with the knowledge, resources and emotional bandwidth in our capacity ✨
Hugs, Ruhie. It must have been painful watching the video. I'm glad I wasn't videoed.
I've kept the piece of paper of my eulogy. I lost count of how many times I rehearsed it, crying each time.
Eventually, I phonetically wrote it out to remind myself to breathe - that's the one big thing I'd add to your suggestions. Give yourself the grace to breathe. I stopped partway through and had a really hard time restarting...I somehow managed it.
If anyone out there doesn't feel they can do a eulogy or loses composure and can't finish when you're up there, I feel for you, and it's OK!
I was alone at the podium, but I could feel the love of those there in person and my friends virtually. Of course, Dad was alongside me in spirit.
Ruhie, may I ask who's with you in the photo- your sibling? Was having them next to you helpful or more stressful?
From my experience, I was more in action-mode, with numbed grief to get the service organised, go smoothly and completed - given Mum was about to have surgery soon after. But, perhaps this is true of many people with the 'organiser' role?
Having been at a funeral recently of a close friend, may I lastly say that I realised I probably heard the love in her husband's voice, more than absorb the facts or stories. Perhaps because I knew the stories well. Sharing a little, will resonate a lot
Thank you for sharing, Ruhie. These are valuable insights and support. xo
Thank you for this beautiful reply, @victoria! Your reminder to breathe is so important. Often in times of overwhelming emotion it can be easy to forget that, but it’s such a simple and crucial way of regulating our nervous system.
Next to me is my younger sister 🫂 I didn’t want to speak for her in this piece but oh my goodness having her there was so helpful. I felt less alone 💖 we supported each other through this heartbreaking time. A glance, a light touch, a hug to get each other through the next thing. I feel incredibly grateful to have had her there with me. It must have been really hard for you doing it alone - but feeling the love and care from those around you definitely helps 🫶
I relate strongly to the “organiser” role! I was so numb with grief and just went into action mode - liaising with the funeral director, the elders in our family and community to organise all the rituals and customs that needed to be fulfilled, contacting members of the MND/ALS community and dad’s healthcare team, writing the eulogy, and so on. It gave me something to do and somewhere to direct my attention so I wouldn’t break. It was and always has been my coping strategy. It sounds like you too? 🙏🏼❤️🩹
Thanks again for sharing your experience! These are such important conversations to have ✨
This was lovely, Ruhie. We never had a memorial or funeral for Ren. I wasn't even functional for a while after his death, but it's interesting to think about what I might have said. I'm certain your dad knows what was in your heart. None of us can really plan for something like this, I guess.
Thank you Tiffany 🙏🏼❤️ you’re so right, it’s not the memorial or funeral that let them know how much we love them - these formal proceedings are for those of us left behind in the wake of their death. All we can do is hope they knew from the countless moments of love, laughter and joy we shared with them when they were still here.
Great tips Ruhie!!
I don’t remember much of the funeral but I’m sure your Dad knew how you felt so don’t feel you didn’t do a good job in the eulogy.
You continue to celebrate his life and remember the good moments we spent with him.
Thanks Mum! This means a lot to hear ❤️ is it weird I sometimes imagine what I would say instead? But I think it’s hard to find words that do justice to this kind of profound loss. We all say and do what feels right at the time with the knowledge, resources and emotional bandwidth in our capacity ✨
Virtual hugs, Ruhie 🤍 thank you for always sharing your heart with us
Thanks Heidi! Always grateful for your support ✨
Hugs, Ruhie. It must have been painful watching the video. I'm glad I wasn't videoed.
I've kept the piece of paper of my eulogy. I lost count of how many times I rehearsed it, crying each time.
Eventually, I phonetically wrote it out to remind myself to breathe - that's the one big thing I'd add to your suggestions. Give yourself the grace to breathe. I stopped partway through and had a really hard time restarting...I somehow managed it.
If anyone out there doesn't feel they can do a eulogy or loses composure and can't finish when you're up there, I feel for you, and it's OK!
I was alone at the podium, but I could feel the love of those there in person and my friends virtually. Of course, Dad was alongside me in spirit.
Ruhie, may I ask who's with you in the photo- your sibling? Was having them next to you helpful or more stressful?
From my experience, I was more in action-mode, with numbed grief to get the service organised, go smoothly and completed - given Mum was about to have surgery soon after. But, perhaps this is true of many people with the 'organiser' role?
Having been at a funeral recently of a close friend, may I lastly say that I realised I probably heard the love in her husband's voice, more than absorb the facts or stories. Perhaps because I knew the stories well. Sharing a little, will resonate a lot
Thank you for sharing, Ruhie. These are valuable insights and support. xo
Thank you for this beautiful reply, @victoria! Your reminder to breathe is so important. Often in times of overwhelming emotion it can be easy to forget that, but it’s such a simple and crucial way of regulating our nervous system.
Next to me is my younger sister 🫂 I didn’t want to speak for her in this piece but oh my goodness having her there was so helpful. I felt less alone 💖 we supported each other through this heartbreaking time. A glance, a light touch, a hug to get each other through the next thing. I feel incredibly grateful to have had her there with me. It must have been really hard for you doing it alone - but feeling the love and care from those around you definitely helps 🫶
I relate strongly to the “organiser” role! I was so numb with grief and just went into action mode - liaising with the funeral director, the elders in our family and community to organise all the rituals and customs that needed to be fulfilled, contacting members of the MND/ALS community and dad’s healthcare team, writing the eulogy, and so on. It gave me something to do and somewhere to direct my attention so I wouldn’t break. It was and always has been my coping strategy. It sounds like you too? 🙏🏼❤️🩹
Thanks again for sharing your experience! These are such important conversations to have ✨