I appreciate you for sharing such a beautiful moment with your son. Am a boy mom too and he is just 2 years old when my overthinking brain starts worrying about the day he leaves home.
We teach them to be independent but at the same time feel sad about letting them go.
I practice building trust with my son by listening to him and standing up for him whenever he needs me or when I feel like his boundaries are crossed by someone.
He needs to know well that Amma will be there to show me the way without judgement or anger.
Yes exactly! “Without judgement or anger”. It can be hard to do sometimes, but it’s so important for our relationship with our kids. And I love how you build trust with him by standing up for him! That’s beautiful and goes a long way to showing them we’re always on their side. Thanks for sharing Shanjitha ❤️
Aww thanks Mum! It was such a different generation of parenting so there’s absolutely no judgment or blame in that 💛 I know you guys (and in my belief, most parents) do the best they can for their kids within the influence of their own context (for example you being a refugee and Dad migrating here played a huge role in your parenting), as well as with the knowledge and resources they have access to at the time :)
Yes I’m seeing now how hard it is to let go of your kids, and I’ve only been a parent for a short while! Haha. I imagine it gets harder with time - but on the flip side, the richness and closeness of our relationships with our kids has the potential to grow so much deeper as they get older, right? So that’s something we can look forward to 🫶
So much wisdom and heart-touching moments here, Ruhie! It's so precious that your son shared this with you, even though he was feeling apprehensive. That's a parenting win worth celebrating! Your last point about "letting go" had me sobbing:
"And then, have faith that the loving, trusting relationship we’ve worked hard to build with them – ever since the first time they nervously shared something personal with you when they were just six – means we will always be there for each other, no matter where life takes us."
I never used to understand why parents cried so badly at weddings, but I so relate to your point that motherhood changes our perspectives and priorities in profound ways. You've articulated these changes so well in this letter.
To answer Q1, choosing to be a stay-at-home mother is my way of working hard to build trust. I want my daughter to trust that I'm present for her and she's a priority to me. I'm in the thick of the "Threenager" stage, so I try to help her feel safe to express big emotions that weren't necessarily permitted in my childhood or culture (sadness, anger, anxiety, etc.) I want her to trust that she doesn't need to wear a mask at home, and she can tell/express anything to me. Without enabling harmful behaviour, I want her to trust that she can never be "too much" for me. I love your point about open communication and seeing it played out in your 6 year old already.
Thank you so much for the feedback Heidi and for sharing your thoughts on building trust with our kids! The way you are connecting with your daughter and nurturing her growth is so meaningful and really lovely to hear 💛
I appreciate you for sharing such a beautiful moment with your son. Am a boy mom too and he is just 2 years old when my overthinking brain starts worrying about the day he leaves home.
We teach them to be independent but at the same time feel sad about letting them go.
I practice building trust with my son by listening to him and standing up for him whenever he needs me or when I feel like his boundaries are crossed by someone.
He needs to know well that Amma will be there to show me the way without judgement or anger.
Yes exactly! “Without judgement or anger”. It can be hard to do sometimes, but it’s so important for our relationship with our kids. And I love how you build trust with him by standing up for him! That’s beautiful and goes a long way to showing them we’re always on their side. Thanks for sharing Shanjitha ❤️
Such great advice Ruhie!! Really good!!
I wish I’d had the chance to know all this when I was bringing you and your sister up. It’s hard to let go of your kids.
Aww thanks Mum! It was such a different generation of parenting so there’s absolutely no judgment or blame in that 💛 I know you guys (and in my belief, most parents) do the best they can for their kids within the influence of their own context (for example you being a refugee and Dad migrating here played a huge role in your parenting), as well as with the knowledge and resources they have access to at the time :)
Yes I’m seeing now how hard it is to let go of your kids, and I’ve only been a parent for a short while! Haha. I imagine it gets harder with time - but on the flip side, the richness and closeness of our relationships with our kids has the potential to grow so much deeper as they get older, right? So that’s something we can look forward to 🫶
So much wisdom and heart-touching moments here, Ruhie! It's so precious that your son shared this with you, even though he was feeling apprehensive. That's a parenting win worth celebrating! Your last point about "letting go" had me sobbing:
"And then, have faith that the loving, trusting relationship we’ve worked hard to build with them – ever since the first time they nervously shared something personal with you when they were just six – means we will always be there for each other, no matter where life takes us."
I never used to understand why parents cried so badly at weddings, but I so relate to your point that motherhood changes our perspectives and priorities in profound ways. You've articulated these changes so well in this letter.
To answer Q1, choosing to be a stay-at-home mother is my way of working hard to build trust. I want my daughter to trust that I'm present for her and she's a priority to me. I'm in the thick of the "Threenager" stage, so I try to help her feel safe to express big emotions that weren't necessarily permitted in my childhood or culture (sadness, anger, anxiety, etc.) I want her to trust that she doesn't need to wear a mask at home, and she can tell/express anything to me. Without enabling harmful behaviour, I want her to trust that she can never be "too much" for me. I love your point about open communication and seeing it played out in your 6 year old already.
Thank you so much for the feedback Heidi and for sharing your thoughts on building trust with our kids! The way you are connecting with your daughter and nurturing her growth is so meaningful and really lovely to hear 💛